While I disapprove of the bullying that goes on there, I don’t think BtB is a bad community overall. Sometimes there are really funny posts that aren’t mean at all and sometimes people really do use it to vent rather than to bully people. I would say the vast majority of the bullying that goes on there is just made by trolls who want to make drama so a lot of it shouldn’t be taken seriously. My suggestion to anyone who doesn’t want to deal with the drama is just don’t go to BtB. A lot of it is drama and most of the funny posts I mentioned before end up on tumblr anyway so if there’s anything that’s actually worth seeing you’ll probably see it that way.
If you do go on BtB and find that someone posted something about you, don’t get too upset about it. I would say first to analyze it and ask yourself if it sounds like someone just trolling or if it actually sounds logical. If it’s something like “ur fat and stupid and shuld leave rori forever” then it’s obviously just something you should ignore. However, I think there are certain situations when you could learn from these situations. I have gotten messages before that people could classify as “hate” but instead of taking them as such I thought about them as critique and used it to better myself. For example, I’ve gotten messages here that have said things about me coming off as rude in some posts and while I never thought I was being rude, I can see how my bluntness could be taken as such so I’ve been trying to fix that and think harder about how I word things. (You can actually see some of these messages if you go back through my “personal” tag a bit.) Sometimes things that might come off just sounding like anonymous hate can actually be quite helpful.
Long story short though, if you don’t like drama, don’t bother with communities that are famous for drama such as BtB and if you do find that someone is talking about you, don’t get too upset about it. It’s just the internet and a lot of the time people just like to cause problems for fun.
I was reading some of the secrets on Behind the Bows, and I almost felt like crying. I knew that not everyone in the community was nice, but is this what I should expect when I start building my wardrobe?
Response from Lolita Tips:
Behind the Bows represents a relatively small portion of the Lolita community. Many (I would say at least half) of the posts you see there weekly are troll posts, not meant seriously but rather to start drama, and many of these posts you see are made by the same person. Usually there’s one, two, maybe three people who make a several different troll posts every week (mixed in with a few here and there from other people) just to see what trouble they can stir up in the community. It’s usually not something to take seriously. People in general are much more brave when they can hide behind the cover of anonymity.